My Mother Needing a Liver Donor Made Me Realize: Strong Women Ask for Help

By Erin M. Moss, LMHC

As a family we have been trying to wrap our hands around my mother’s liver failure. I still remember when she called to give me the news. After I gathered myself, I immediately went into research mode. Looking up everything I could find out about her health issue. I was determined to find the solution. But I soon realized there wasn’t anything I could do, no matter how much information I consumed. There was no magic wand to heal her immediately and that frustrated me.

I grew up hearing and believing that I could do anything I put my mind to. If I continued to do the work, at some point there would be a breakthrough. Black women are said to be among the most educated and the fastest growing business owners in the country. As amazing as that is, I believe a lot of it is rooted in our stories of struggle and overcoming. In therapy sessions, I listen to women share all sorts of hardships without anyone ever knowing. Maybe we’ve become so accustomed to our pain being overlooked that we just learned how to “suck it up” and figure out how to get through it ourselves.

We deserve support. But why is asking for help so difficult at times? My mother said at first, she didn’t even know how to ask for something so big. “I was thinking, how do you ask someone for something like that?” However, we usually don’t feel that way when it comes to others. As women, we tend to constantly pour into other people. We understand the needs of others, yet we have trouble seeing ourselves. While my mother has been battling her health she has also been caring for her grandkids, teaching vacation bible school, ushering at church. Continuing to do for others. That’s what Superheroes do. They save the world, and you never hear about the struggle. So, when my mother told me to publicly share what she has been going through it sort of rocked my world – it changed how we deal with things. Like most, I come from generations of just get it done. Making a way out of no way. I am aware that’s over functioning. Traumas that a lot of us are still working through. But I realize even more clearly now that it is okay to ask for help. That’s what it means to be human. I’m glad that my mother is strong enough to ask for help. She deserves it. We all do.

I know there are so many great people out there that would love to help my family. I am so appreciative of anyone taking the time to read and share this life-saving information in the letter below. We believe in the power of prayer. Prayer warriors, please keep my mother and my family lifted in prayer. Thank you in advance.

My Ma’s letter: